Larry the Downing Street cat for the Prime Minister! VIRGINIA BLACKBURN | Virginia Blackburn | Columnists | Comment
Alastair Campbell says Larry the cat would be a better PM
I’ve only just established dominance over the blondes and now I’m going to have to start over with the new batch. That is, if they ever stop fighting like rats in a sack.
The Mouse leader has yet to throw his hat in the ring in the Tory leadership race
The blonde has been in a terrible mood all week, screaming about the betrayal and how Winston wouldn’t have taken it, while the blonde mumbled about the wallpaper and something about the steam off. I helpfully used a claw to show him how to get it off the wall and the tongue would have made a sailor blush.
Whoever’s the blonde’s chancellor right now kept talking about macro economics and stealthily measuring the curtains when he thought no one could see him: listen mate, the blonde’s still the prime minister and we cats are much more loyal than we are usually granted. So I did something in his red box.
Every time one of the blondes turns on the TV, there’s more palaver: “He doesn’t mention Winchester, Oxford and Stanford! the blonde yelled when whoever was Chancellor walked into a video he looked like he made to invade my territory. “Or how much his sneakers cost!
Meanwhile, another blonde appeared on screen with I Vow To Thee My Country playing in the background: I naturally thought it was a church service until it s Turns out she had plans on my turf too. Why can’t they just be done with this and have a real catfight? Mind you, some people would say that’s exactly what they’re doing right now.
To get away from it all, I went to take a little nap on the steps of number 10 but couldn’t fall asleep because of the crashing sound of the blond throwing plates at the TV screen. “Cummings is behind it all!” I heard him scream as a particularly vicious character assassination went live: and they say we cats are mean!
“Well, what did you expect, he called me Princess Nut Nuts!” yelled the blonde. I’ve only slept 23 of the last 24 hours; it’s enough to make me want another nap.
The blonde has nothing to do with that Blair woman who made no attempt to conceal her disdain for cats, but brought a dog into our house, although it didn’t take long for me to return it to her square.
The blondes’ own kittens are a little harder to deal with, although they’re pretty nice to me and petted me after their recent photo shoot.
Where will all this end? In fact, I have a plan. There’s someone out there who really has what it takes and when it comes to trickery and stalking our prey, we’re pretty hot.
The Tories put the first women in No 10 (the less said about the second the better and I suspect she was allergic to me) and may well have the first ethnic minority Prime Minister as well. Well, I’ll do better: this batch would be a disaster. Larry for Prime Minister! Long live the best of them all, the Downing Street cat!
The British are not adapted to the sun
Loving the current hot weather, but us Brits really don’t know how to dress for hot weather. Some practical advice. Socks never go with sandals. The more tattoos you have, the better it is to wear long sleeve shirts and yes, that includes when it’s 98 degrees Fahrenheit in the shade.
Sunscreen is a good idea as lobster red isn’t pretty and wait until the sun is over the yard before you start pushing it back. The alternative has just been exhibited at Wimbledon. Just say no.
Boo at the unisex loos
It’s official: we hate unisex loos. In a recent poll of 7,000 people, an astonishing 98% want the male and female spaces to be separate. Why won’t anyone act on this? Any prime minister who embraced that one would find he was going home with a lifetime majority.
No one should have to suffer like Mo Farah
Mo Farah certainly has a poignant story of being trafficked into this country and treated like a slave.
It’s a timely reminder that slavery is alive and well and thriving and an evil that Theresa May, to her credit, tried to fight.
Maybe the favored Snowflake Squad could stop trying to topple statues of people who lived in a different time and society and turn their attention to this?
Sir Mo was the subject of a BBC documentary last night
A place that respects its elders as it should
Last year I traveled to the beautiful island of Sicily: “It’s a very interesting mix of architecture that includes Greek, Roman, Norman and Islamic designs,” my then-fiancé explained today. now husband. “You see, the Normans were brought in to drive out the Saracens. The styles influence each other, don’t you think?
“There is also Dolce & Gabbana! I screamed stupidly and this week Italian designers were back, showcasing the most mature women in fantastic designs and proving that it’s not just the young and nubile who can look gorgeous. In Sicily, the elderly are treated with respect. This shows.
Kylie always respects her roots
It’s good to see Kylie and Jason reunite for the latest episode of Neighbors: the two have had successful stratospheric careers since then, but clearly don’t consider themselves too big for their humble roots.
Would some people here take a similar attitude: a former Doctor Who would not only refuse to have anything to do with the program, but would fly off if anyone mentioned it. Gratitude? Not a lot.
Minogue and Donovan both started their careers on the Australian soap opera
For God’s Sake Church of England
Do some people in the Church of England want to destroy it from within? This is the only explanation for the crew who asked the prayer book to drop the instructions to kneel and stand on the grounds that it discriminates against people with disabilities.
In my church, the vicar brings the wine and the host to anyone who has a problem and administers the Eucharist from the pew. It’s called common sense.
Becks adopts the silver fox look
David Beckham has revealed he’s gone grey: it’s nice to see him embracing the natural look. Now if only he could do something about all those tattoos…